Title: Old Dogs, Circus Tricks 
Author: SassyInkPen (September 2004)
Pairing: Albus/Minerva
Rating: [Mature] HUMOR
Part: 1/1
Summary: Albus and Minerva find themselves lost in the midst of a new Hogwarts.

Disclaimer: Characters and setting belong to JKR, I merely use them to amuse myself between books.

Old Dogs, Circus Tricks
by SassyInkPen


Albus Dumbledore slouched deeper in his chair and gazed out morosely over the crowd of giddy students departing from the Yuletide Feast to go and pack for their holidays at home. Even as he watched he could see the huddled whispers and knowing looks tossed back and forth across the room. He poured himself another glass of wine.

"Do you realize," came Minerva's tart brogue in his ear, "That you've drained nearly that entire bottle and another one besides?"

"We're on holiday as well, Minerva. What difference does it make?" he asked wearily.

"Well, for one thing, you might consider that there are others of us looking to drown a little sorrow," she said, snatching up the bottle and emptying it into her own glass. "For another..." her tone was softer now, "It's quite clear that something's bothering you Albus. What is it?"

Albus eyed her critically for a moment and then heaved a great sigh. "It's the students, Minerva. They've changed so much. The entire school has."

She arched a quizzical eyebrow at him and sipped her wine.

He went on. "When Harry Potter came here six and half years ago, he was bright eyed and innocent. Now....well, now he's the school slut. They all are." He threw up his hands disparagingly. "The upper classes are utterly obsessed with sex, and every year I find younger and younger ones getting in on the games. The Creevey brothers! Once shy and sweet....now infamous."

Minerva nodded sagely, "I've heard the rumors and if I were you I would have confiscated those cameras ages ago."

"Severus tells me that he's chasing Draco and his multitudes of suitors out of closets and classrooms several times a week these days. And I'll tell you, Minerva, I think there's more to the story than he's letting on if you take my meaning."

Blushing slightly, Minerva took a rather large gulp of her wine and leaned forward to glance at Snape, who was just nodding to someone across the room and then slipped out the side door. "Well at least someone's getting it," she muttered under breath without thinking.

"Precisely my point!" exclaimed Albus, smacking his hand down on the table. He had a tendency to become overly demonstrative when he'd been drinking, and this night more than any. "It seems that the entire school has become a hotbed of randy and erotic adventures...and I'm being left out of all the fun."

A long moment passed, during which Minerva goggled at him, trying to reconcile this outburst with her general knowledge of the man. But most women never quite lose their girlish admiration for older and wiser authority figures, and Minerva McGonagall was no different. She finished her wine, licked her lips, and ventured carefully, "Perhaps, Albus....we could...help each other out?" 

Albus blinked owlishly for a moment and then realization dawned, "Oh! You mean...?"

"We seem to be in similar circumstances," she said primly.

"Good heavens," mused Albus, "It's been so long I think I may have forgotten how it all goes..."

Minerva rolled her eyes and reached for the half empty glass Sibyll had left behind. "I'm certain there a few books in the library that could refresh your memory."


Twenty minutes later she stood, watching Albus race his fingers along the cracked leather spines of ancient books tucked far back in the Restricted Section. "I was being sarcastic Albus...."

"No. No, wait....I know it's here somewhere. I found it once when I was searching for a book about the circus to read before bedtime. It really does have the most amazing pictures in it. AH!" He plucked a book from the shelf with undisguised glee and turned to Minerva.

The mischievous light in his eyes caused her to step forward in spite of her misgivings. Albus began to flip eagerly through the pages, making little 'oohs' and 'aahs' as certain ones struck his fancy. He paused at one that featured a comely witch down on her knees before a handsome wizard who appeared to be greatly appreciating the things she was accomplishing with hand and mouth. Holding it toward Minerva he grinned, "We could try this..."

Pursing her lips, she said, "That does rather seem to favor you, though, don't you think?"

"I see your point," nodded Albus pursing his lips and leafing further back in the book. He came to a drawing of a rather dark and hairy man brandishing a cat o'nine over the heads of three bound figures.

"I don't think so."

More turning of pages and Albus gave an excited whoop and held out a full-page animated spread of two people tangled together in the most unlikely manner, featuring a three panel inset with diagrams and instructions.

Minerva brought a hand to her throat, "Albus...be reasonable! You're not eighty anymore you know!"

He grinned sheepishly, "Perhaps that is rather ambitious to start with."

Pulling the book from his hands and setting it aside, Minerva smiled indulgently and said, "Let's just keep it simple, shall we? I'm sure that will do nicely."

"Oh, yes, of course..." agreed Albus. "Now. Would you like to go back to your room? No, that wouldn't do, I'm sure you weren't prepared for company. We could go to mine- NO, wait! I seem to recall a room that contained an enormous four poster bed. That would be fun. I think it was on the seventh floor, north wing....or was it third floor Astronomy tower? At any rate, I'm certain we could find it eventually and-"

"Albus!" snapped Minerva, determined to head this off before it got completely out of hand. At this rate they would haunting the place before they got started. 


"There's a table right behind you. I'm told that's quite erotic, and it's in public no less. That should be just fine."

Albus turned to look, reaching out to give the well worn table a little shake. It seemed solid enough so he nodded, "Yes. Yes! This will do quite nicely!"

Minerva removed her hat and robes, then reached under her skirt to pull off her knickers and stockings, while Albus simply dropped his one great robe revealing nothing whatsoever underneath. He stretched, and paraded back and forth a little, then approached her with open arms. Before she knew what was what, he'd scooped her up and deposited her on the table with a little hoot of triumph. Minerva blushed, but giggled nervously and tried to let the wine flowing through her system loosen her up a bit.

There was a little kissing and a little flirting, and Albus was even inspired to reach up Minerva's skirt for the long lost feel of a woman's thigh, and before too long, he was proudly wearing a magnificent hard on. He turned this way and that, modeling it to best advantage and generally showing off.

Minerva was flushed and her hair was coming loose. She blew a stray lock out of her face and said, "Perhaps we should put that to good use before it deserts you..."

"Splendid idea!" beamed Albus.

With a little negotiation, and some awkward maneuvers, Minerva found herself more or less prone with her skirt shoved up to the waist, one foot lodged against a chair and the other in the vicinity of Albus' left ear. As he sought and found his reward, he sighed, "By god, that's lovely!"

"That's easy for you to say," winced Minerva, "You haven't got the edge of the table lodged in your back."

"Oh dear," he murmured and they shifted around a bit more. Eventually, they found a spot that worked for them both and Minerva found herself becoming a little more enthusiastic about the entire affair.

"Oh! Oh my goodness!" she murmured, clutching at Albus' prominent shoulders. He may not have been eighty anymore, but he was certainly not past the age of virility. She could have done without the calliope music he was humming, but with a little effort, she was able to tune him out and concentrate on enjoying herself.

As she drew closer to climax, she moaned loudly in spite of herself and Albus whooped and said, "Yes! Yes! That's it! Now call me your Ringmaster!"

"I'll do no such thing," she gasped, arching her back. "This may be a circus act for you, but I'm just trying to ease a little tension here."

"Just let me conjure up a little cotton candy then-"


"Just as well," huffed Albus, "I'm about to reach the grand finale." A grin crept over his face and he said seductively, "If you'll just direct your attention to the center ring..."


Even as she protested, Albus' vigorous activity brought her to the edge of her own climax and she spring to action, meeting him thrust for thrust.

"That's it!" he cried, "Ride me like your circus pony!"


Later, when they were arranging their clothes and Minerva smoothed her hair back, Albus tipped his hat jovially and told her, "That was extremely entertaining. I can see why the whole school's gone completely to the gutter."

"Yes, well...I enjoyed it as well," she said, raising her eyebrows at the dubious compliment. "But if we're going to do this again anytime soon, you're going to have be a little more dignified."

Albus cringed and had the good grace to look sheepish. "Of course, Minerva dear...anything you like."

She nodded primly and adjusted her hat, "Very good then. Have a pleasant evening Albus." With a swish of green and tartan, she turned and strode out of the library.

Albus waited until she was well out of sight, and then snatched up the book with a mischievous grin, tucking it into his robes. "We'll just have to teach you to like things a bit more frivolous..."