Title: Wants and Needs
Author: SassyInkPen (May 2002)
Fandom: Tour of Duty
Summary: The tension between Goldman and McKay as roommates takes a new turn. The ongoing progression of Myron and Johnny's attraction.
Warnings: This story contains sex between men and some adult language. Part five contains *very* mild non/con.
Archive: Yes, Please. Just let me know where Sassyinkpen@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: The characters and Tour of Duty belong to Zev Braun Productions and New Line. No money was made from this story. No copyright infringement intended - just a true appreciation of a fine set-up
Wants and Needs
Lt. Goldman could hear the music blaring even as he rounded the corner of his hootch. He paused and took a deep breath. Of course, it wasn't *his* hootch anymore, not since he'd been graced with McKay's company. He liked McKay, he really did. Nice guy. Damn fine chopper pilot. Lousy roommate.
Of course, in Goldman's opinion, any roommate was a lousy roommate. He preferred to be alone...and, up until a couple of weeks ago, he'd enjoyed having the place to himself.
Now he had McKay there, leaving clothes and magazines lying around, stinking up the place with cigars, and...like now...blaring loud, awful music. What really got to him is that McKay seemed to enjoy irritating him. In fact, *seemed* was putting it mildly...McKay went *out of his way* to irritate him.
He took another deep breath and headed up the steps, pulling the door open. As he stepped in, he was engulfed in a smoky blue haze. He just stood there for a moment, trying to stay calm. He really wasn't in the mood for this. He'd had a long day, he was tired, and he just wanted to relax and read his book.
"Hey, Roomie! How's it hangin'?" McKay asked with a shit-eating grin. He was sitting in his chair with a beer, a cigar and a magazine. He wore only his boxer shorts......and that damn smirk. His hair was wet and he looked freshly showered.
Goldman just stared at him, quietly seething. Smug little shit. It was that cocky, son-of-a-bitch smile that did it. He decided to let off a little steam, let's see how McKay liked it.
He stalked across the room. As he stepped over the line of bullet holes in the floor, he thought briefly that if he'd aimed them differently, he wouldn't *have* a problem now.
He snapped off the tape player, a tiny smile of satisfaction flickering across his face as the reels stopped moving. Then he turned to McKay who was still grinning at him, eyes shining merrily. Prick was enjoying this.
Goldman yanked the cigar out of McKay's mouth and dropped it on the floor, crushing it out with the toe of his boot. He didn't stop at merely extinguishing it, he continued to twist his foot and grind it until it was mashed to a pulp. He savored the process.
McKay jumped up, looking at the mess on the floor, "Damn it! What the hell did you do that for? That was my last one!"
"I'm sure there's about a million more where that came from."
McKay shook his head and started to take a swig from his beer. Goldman grabbed the bottle from his hand, reached behind him, and poured it out in the garbage can, dropping the empty bottle in after it.
"All right, Goldman, now you're askin' for it." The smile was gone, but his eyes were still glowing with mischief. He took a step forward to stand face to face with Goldman. "Just what the hell is your problem?" he asked, poking him in the chest to punctuate each word.
Goldman slapped his hand away, "You're my problem, you insufferable ass. Your cigars and your music and your goddamn attitude."
"You know, Goldman," he said, grinning again, "you need to lighten up a little." He put his fingertips on Goldman's chest and pushed him back a step.
Goldman was really pissed now, and shoved back as hard as he could, sending McKay stumbling over the footstool and enjoying the shocked expression that had erased every trace of McKay's amusement.
McKay's shock quickly dissolved into anger as he found his footing and glared at Goldman for a split second before launching at him in a flying tackle that sent them both crashing down onto Goldman's bunk. He threw his leg over Goldman and pinned him down, fending off blows as Goldman got him in a headlock and was trying to deck him.
After a few minutes, they had reached a kind of stalemate where neither man could move much, but neither was going to admit defeat, so they just lay there struggling. McKay's anger dissipated as quickly as it had flared up. He knew he'd been pushing Goldman, he just couldn't help himself, the guy was too easy.
He was trying to decide his next move when he felt a familiar stirring and realized he was getting hard.
The friction of the scuffle was turning him on. At least, that was part of it. He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed, it had been a long time since another guy turned him on. He should have seen it coming...Goldman was just his type. He thought of the way he'd been taunting Goldman lately, and felt like a teenager again. Goldman, he guessed, would be horrified.
"Goldman," he warned in the other man's ear, "You've gotta hold still, or you're gonna start something you don't wanna get involved in."
"What?!" was the irritated reply, as Goldman continued to struggle, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Trust me," he sighed, "just...knock it off."
"What? You think I can't take you? Is that it?" hissed Goldman, doubling his efforts.
McKay chuckled at the unconscious double meaning of Goldman's question, and at his determination to keep fighting. He grabbed the wrist of the arm Goldman was swinging at him and pinned it to the bed. If Goldman wanted to keep fighting, he'd show him what he was in for, "You think you can take me, huh?" He pressed his erection against Goldman, groaning softly.
"Oh my god," Goldman blurted out, freezing. Then he pulled his arm away from McKay's neck, releasing him.
McKay leaned on that arm, moved closer to Goldman's ear and slowly whispered, "What kind of an 'Oh my god' was that?" He paused, exhaling hot breath on Goldman's neck. When he didn't answer right away, McKay shifted his weight slightly and pressed into Goldman's groin, rubbing as much of his body against him as he could.
McKay locked eyes with Goldman, who looked wary.
He still hadn't said a word, but...he hadn't tried to move either, just lay there breathing hard. McKay felt hot and had to concentrate on controlling himself. He would give Goldman every chance to make him stop this, but if there was any chance he didn't have to, then so much the better. He settled against Goldman and pressed into him again, dropping his head and suppressing a groan. He had to keep it low key - as it was, he was already risking getting the crap beat out of him. He hoped he wasn't making a mistake, but it felt so good.
This time Goldman shifted and made a small sound halfway between a moan and a whimper. He tugged at his arms a little, but not enough to break free. Then he turned his head away from McKay. McKay couldn't be quite sure, but he thought Goldman was blushing. He reached his tongue out and began to lick Goldman's long slender neck. It tasted salty with sweat, and warm. He smiled when he heard Goldman's breath get shaky. He also smiled because Goldman made no move to stop him.
McKay began rubbing his cock into Goldman's groin in a slow and steady rhythm. He could feel Goldman's rough, rumpled fatigues through the thin fabric of his boxers and against his bare chest. It was so good. He could feel Goldman trembling, too, and the man's nervousness excited him more.
He licked back up the length of Goldman's neck and began tracing his ear with the tip of his tongue. Goldman was nearly panting now, and when McKay swirled his tongue in his ear, he moaned out loud and arched his hips up against McKay. McKay squeezed his eyes shut, "Oh yesss....."
As their bodies pressed together he could feel Goldman's hard-on and focused his thrusts on that spot, grinding their erections together. This earned him another long quiet moan from Goldman.
McKay pulled Goldman's wrist up over his head so he could grab it with his other hand and have one free. Goldman did not resist. McKay raised himself up slightly so he could get at the buttons of Goldman's shirt. He popped them open swiftly and easily. He swept the shirt open and ran his hand over Goldman's smooth chest, making him gasp. He passed his hand down across Goldman's stomach and reached for the button of his pants.
"McKay..." Goldman choked out in what could either have been a protest or a plea. McKay decided to take it as a plea and kept going. He tugged open the button and pulled down the zipper, pushing Goldman's pants just far enough out of the way to free his erection. Nice. He was never more grateful that so many men in 'Nam skipped underwear to stay cooler and drier. He yanked his boxers down in front and pressed his bare cock against Goldman's. It was so hot and hard as McKay lay down on him, breathing heavily.
"Ahhh...GOD!..." Goldman cried, and began thrusting himself against McKay.
McKay whispered in his ear, "Shhhh...You want the whole camp to know what we're doin'?" Then he licked him and began sucking on his earlobe.
They were both slick with sweat and slid easily against each other, rubbing...thrusting...grinding, breathing hard as they used each other to reach a common goal.
Goldman...was in shock, he had always thought he was straight as an arrow, but, now...he hardly recognized himself. He lay half naked, pinned to his bunk, writhing underneath a very hot, very *male* chopper pilot, who...by the way...seemed to know exactly what he was doing. But Goldman scarcely had time to consider this because he was too busy thinking about the tongue in his ear and the hard, bare cock sliding against his own. And he wanted it so very, very bad...at least right now. He just never would have guessed it.
He groaned and thrust harder against McKay. The heat from McKay's body was making his head swim and his breathing ragged. He bucked and writhed and he was getting so close, but he needed more. He pulled his hand out of McKay's grasp and reached down to McKay's hip, using him for leverage and trying to pull him closer at the same time.
McKay moaned in his ear, "Oh, yeaah...That's it Goldman," and then started thrusting harder and faster until Goldman was sure he was going to have bruises. But it felt so damn good and it had been so, so long. That was it, he thought...too long. That's what made him do this. He doubted McKay had that problem though...
Goldman ran his hand across McKay's ass, feeling the tight muscles working as they ground against each other. McKay's hand was on his arm urging him on. Goldman turned his head a little closer to McKay. He could smell shampoo, and damp hair, and clean sweat. McKay was breathing hard and moaning slightly in the back of his throat. Goldman could scarcely believe he was doing this, or that he was having such an effect on McKay. The thought sent a thrill through him, before he realized just what the hell he was *thinking*. He liked turning McKay on?
Then he felt a pull at the base of his spine and couldn't think anymore. He was moaning and McKay was telling him to keep quiet, but he couldn't help himself. "Oh my god," he groaned and grabbed McKay's ass, grinding into him, giving as good as he got. And then he felt hot, and he was coming, and it felt so good, he didn't even realize he was making any noise until McKay clamped a hand over his mouth.
McKay's movements got jerkier and he buried his face in Goldman's neck and cried out as he came. Goldman felt the hot rush of McKay's orgasm and moaned into McKay's hand. He held on tight and rubbed his head against McKay's as they rode out the aftershocks, slowing their pace until, eventually, they just lay there panting on each other's necks.
McKay stayed still, feeling Goldman relax beneath him and wondered what he was thinking. He would never have guessed that Goldman could be so passionate. He loved it, but he couldn't believe it.
When McKay felt like he could move again, he picked up his head and looked at Goldman. Goldman glanced at him through half closed eyes, but didn't say anything. Was he ever going to say anything?
McKay got up slowly and reached for the towel he'd tossed on his chair. He kept one knee on the bed, pressed to Goldman's leg, not wanting to break off contact just yet. He toweled himself off as he watched Goldman flex the arm he'd been leaning on. Goldman let it flop to his chest, and then just lay there, eyes closed, breathing thickly.
McKay waited a minute to see what he would do, then toweled him off and leaned over him, looking for a reaction. When he didn't get one, he said, "Goldman, are you OK with this?" Goldman didn't answer and he started to get worried. Could he *possibly* have read the guy wrong? He didn't think so. He sincerely hoped not. "Goldman?"
Goldman exhaled noisily and turned his head slightly, never opening his eyes or acknowledging McKay.
McKay stared at him, not knowing what to say or do. Then it slowly dawned on him.....Goldman was asleep.
He chuckled softly to himself, running his hand through his hair. "You are somethin' else," he told the sleeping figure, as he buttoned up Goldman's pants, "I'll bet that goes over real well on dates." He unlaced Goldman's boots and gently pulled them off, then left Goldman to sleep.
Wants and Needs - Part Two
McKay sat in his chair drinking a beer and wondering what to do next. He was waiting for Goldman. They hadn't had a chance to speak in almost three days, and after what happened between them, McKay was a little concerned...and damn curious. He couldn't help but smile as he thought of the two of them writhing around on Goldman's bunk. He hadn't meant for it to happen, he just got carried away. But...Goldman had responded to him, and not just went along with it...he'd been downright passionate...and that made McKay want him that much more.
When he'd gotten up for an early flight the morning after, Goldman was still sleeping, and by the time he got back, Goldman was out on a two day mission. McKay knew he was back because he'd seen him that afternoon on his way out for a quick pick-up run. He'd searched all over camp when he got back, but couldn't find him. So he'd settled in with a beer, figuring Goldman would come back to go to bed eventually. Now...he was on his third beer and still waiting.
Goldman finally walked in, letting the door swing shut behind him. McKay grinned, "Well I'll be damned! You do exist." Goldman nodded and crossed briskly to his desk. Damn. Not exactly an enthusiastic reception.
McKay got up and went to his fridge, pulled out a beer for Goldman and popped the top off. He walked over and sat on the edge of Goldman's desk, offering him the bottle. Goldman took it and smiled softly, "Thanks." He drank some, shuffling his feet a little and shifting papers around on the desk, "How are you doing?"
"I've had three very long days, my friend. Same old shit, you know how it goes. How about you?"
"Yeah, me too. But, I'm alive and I got to have a shower. Doesn't get much better than that," said Goldman, not looking up.
McKay leaned back a bit trying to catch Goldman's attention, but was not successful. He took a few more tries at conversation, with similar results. Not exactly cold, definitely not warm. "Goldman...look at me." He cocked his head and smiled at his friend. Goldman continued to focus on his desk and drink his beer. McKay watched him for a minute wondering what to do, then decided just to cut to the chase, "Tell me I didn't make a mistake..."
"No. No," Goldman said quickly, "I just...I..." he sighed and made a helpless gesture with his hand. "I don't know McKay. I'm not...like that." He turned and leaned on the desk next to McKay.
"Like what?" McKay could see where this was heading...and he wasn't pleased.
"Like..." Goldman gestured to his bunk, "Like that. I'm not...gay."
McKay chuckled at the irony of the situation, thinking of all the girls he'd dated. "I'm not gay either, Goldman," he said, shaking his head.
Goldman smiled, picking up the joke, "I guess not." He took a sip of his beer, "What are you then? That...ah...that wasn't your first time." He eyed McKay.
"No. No, it wasn't." McKay ran his hand through his hair, how should he explain this to someone so straight-laced? "I did it a few times back in school. I guess you could call me more of an opportunist. I take my fun where I can get it." He grinned wickedly at Goldman.
Goldman flushed and looked away, "Well, I can't do that...I guess." He started pacing, then turned back to McKay, "Do you know how much trouble we could get in?"
"We'll be fine as long as you learn to keep your mouth shut," smirked McKay. He leered at Goldman for a moment and then let his eyes wander down Goldman's body, plainly conveying all the things he was thinking, about what they had done...and what they could do.
Goldman shied away from the appraisal, looking startled, and walked over to stand in front of his dresser, keeping his back to McKay.
McKay sighed and folded his arms over his chest. This was not the reaction he wanted. He had to admit that he really didn't know what he'd been expecting...but if he got to choose...this was definitely not it. What now?
Goldman put his elbows on his dresser and let his head hang down. How did he get himself into this mess? He'd spent the last three days trying to figure that out, but was just as confused as ever.
When he'd woken up the morning after, he'd been truly shocked at his behavior. He'd never had any kind of sexual thoughts about men before. But, when McKay started coming on to him...he froze...he kept thinking he should say something, but he just couldn't seem to, and...he'd wanted him to go on. He shouldn't have, but he did. He knew what he had to do, of course. He had to put it out of his mind and go back to the way he was.
He heard McKay moving and then he was right behind him, so close Goldman could feel the heat from his body. Goldman straightened up. He could feel McKay's warm breath on the back of his neck. It made him shiver. What the hell was he doing? This was insane.
He was about to move away when McKay's hands ran up his back. He froze. Again. McKay's hands kept moving...up over his shoulders...down his arms...back again. Goldman's breath caught in his throat as McKay stepped even closer, pressing against him as he slid his hands around front and across his chest. He felt the heat rising to his face. He knew he should say something, he should pull away, he...
He gasped as McKay slipped his hands up under his shirt, sliding them across his skin as he leaned in and licked his ear. "McKay..." he said weakly, "I can't do this."
"You can. You did it...very well. You even seemed to like it."
"You know what I mean. That was just... I mean, I can't... I don't want..." he was rambling, unable to think.
"Then stop me." McKay's voice was thick in his ear.
Goldman groaned. That was far easier said than done. Especially as McKay's tongue slid down his neck.
He struggled with his thoughts as McKay unbuttoned his shirt, breathing heavily on his neck, and covering his torso with long, firm caresses. One hand was making slow circles on his chest, the other inched down his stomach and over his crotch. Goldman moaned helplessly as McKay rubbed the bulge in his pants. The heat from McKay's hand spread quickly through his groin.
McKay taunted him, "If you don't want this, then who's the raging hard-on for?" He pulled open the buttons of Goldman's pants.
Goldman's mind was racing now. He really needed to stop him...but, oh, god, it felt good. No. This *had* to stop. "McKay..." he pleaded.
McKay stopped licking his neck and leaned in close to his ear, "If you don't want it...you gotta stop me. I'm not gonna do it for you, Goldman. You've gotta decide what you want." He paused. "I *know* what I want," he said as he slipped his hand into Goldman's pants and wrapped his fingers around his cock.
Goldman moaned desperately, his pulse was racing and he gripped the edge of the dresser as McKay began stroking him firmly, but slowly. He was not supposed to be letting this happen, but...*damn* it was good...and McKay was so....and...oh, hell...
Goldman let his head fall back until it rested on McKay's shoulder. He felt McKay run his hand up, over his chest and onto his throat, holding him there possessively. It excited him more than he cared to admit to have McKay's strong hands on him, to feel his hard body pressed up against him. His cock ached. McKay was moving so slowly...his hand was so warm.
McKay felt a guilty thrill as Goldman finally surrendered to him. He *knew* he wasn't really being fair. He caressed Goldman's slender neck and pressed his lips to the spot just behind his ear, lapping it with his tongue. Mmmm...who cared about being fair...
Goldman was breathing hard. McKay smiled and held him tight, slowly stroking his cock, savoring the feel of it...imagining what he'd like to do with Goldman. He had plenty of ideas. But, he realized that Goldman wouldn't go for much in his current state of confused reluctance. He'd better stick to something Goldman was familiar with.
He eased his hand out of Goldman's pants, relishing the whimper he caused, and turned him around. Goldman sagged against the dresser, eyes closed.
McKay stripped out of his shirt and pressed himself against Goldman, burying his face in Goldman's neck. He inhaled Goldman's scent as he pushed his shirt down off his shoulders. He smiled when Goldman shifted just enough to let it fall on the floor. He pretended not to notice.
McKay wrapped his arms around Goldman's waist and pulled them close together, rubbing against him, breathing him in. He pushed him against the dresser with his hips, trying to get closer, harder. He had to have more. He groaned as he rubbed his cock against Goldman's groin, trying to quickly pull open his own pants without having to stop. He wanted Goldman skin to skin. He was panting as he shoved his bare cock against him, "Aahhoh...Goldman, how could you *not* want this?"
Goldman's only answer was a loud moan as he bucked against McKay. As much as McKay loved hearing it, he had to shush him up anyway. He didn't really want to share Goldman with the whole camp. Or the guards at Leavenworth.
Goldman was clutching his shoulders as he pulled him tighter and increased his pace. He'd been planning to take Goldman to bed, but he couldn't wait. He was too hot, and too close. He slipped one hand down onto Goldman's ass, squeezing and caressing him, and they rubbed and bucked and pressed into each other.
Goldman was moaning and gasping for air. He snaked one hand up the back of McKay's neck and into his hair. McKay realized Goldman was getting close, and he intended to make it good for him. Maybe erase some of those doubts he was having.
"McKay..." he groaned loudly, and pressed his mouth into McKay's shoulder to muffle his cries as he came. McKay held him tight and felt the shudders passing through him...and then sticky, wet heat that coated his cock and set his groin on fire. He pressed harder and fucked the space between them, made slick by Goldman's cum.
He was slamming Goldman into the dresser, knocking over framed photos and awards. He felt his orgasm tear out of him and bit his lip. It was hot and wrenching and perfect. A few more good thrusts and he was completely spent. Goldman was stroking the back of his neck. McKay kept moving slowly for awhile, trying to make it last as long as possible.
When they stopped, Goldman stood there clinging to McKay, feeling overwhelmed. He didn't know what to think of himself. He wasn't even sure what to think of McKay. He had no idea what to do next. If it was possible, the afterward was even more awkward than the beginning. What do you say to a guy after you come on his stomach?
McKay patted his shoulder, "Goldman, if you fall asleep on me here, I'm gonna drop you on the floor."
He picked up his head, "I'm awake."
"Are you OK?"
"Was it good?" McKay whispered seductively.
He blushed, "Yeah." Why did it have to be so good?
"Good." McKay pulled away and bent down to retrieve his T-shirt and clean himself up, then he handed it to Goldman and walked away.
Goldman looked down at himself - shirtless, pants open and exposed, covered in cum...both his own and McKay's. It was a mixture of the erotic and the shameful. He wiped himself off, not looking up as McKay returned and set something on the dresser.
McKay reached out and buttoned his pants for him. He watched, feeling like a little kid. He finally gathered up the courage to look at McKay.
McKay was grinning like an idiot and offering him a beer. He managed to pull a serious face, "Tell me I didn't make a mistake," he said quietly.
"No," Goldman mumbled, "you didn't". He quickly knelt down and started searching through his shirt for a cigarette.
Wants and Needs - Part Three
Goldman turned his face up into the spray of the shower, letting the water wash away the dirt and grime of a long day. Several long days. He'd quit counting - in Vietnam, they were all long days. He sighed heavily and started scrubbing his hair, and then his face.
He stuck his head under the shower to rinse off, rubbing the suds away with his hands. He straightened up and shook his head like a dog, wiping the water out of his eyes.
As he reached for the soap, he noticed John McKay stepping under the shower right next to him. McKay looked him straight in the eye and smiled broadly. Goldman swallowed nervously and nodded to him. Being around McKay, now, was like walking in quicksand. One false step and he was caught fast and pulled under. Not that he could really blame McKay for that.
He couldn't help but glance down at McKay's naked form, now glistening wet. Memories of that body pressing against him flooded his mind, making him feel too warm, and he tore his gaze away, forcing himself to concentrate on washing up. He thought he might have heard a soft chuckle, but it was so quiet he couldn't tell.
He turned his head slightly so he could glance at McKay out of the corner of his eye. McKay was watching him and gave him a shit-eating grin when he caught Goldman looking. He was flirting for god's sake. Goldman wondered how in the hell he'd managed to capture the attention of the camp's biggest ladies man. That's war all right - totally fucked up.
Goldman shivered when McKay's eyes began to slide slowly down his body. The gaze was so intense he could almost feel it. McKay licked his lips - nothing obvious...but slow enough to make his point.
Goldman gaped at him and McKay held his eye with a meaningful glint. When Goldman glanced down he saw McKay soaping his cock and balls suggestively.
Goldman flushed immediately. He rinsed off in a hurry, pulled his towel around his soaking wet body, grabbed his things...and bolted. As much as you can when you're forcing yourself to walk and trying to forget the image of a drenched, lathered and grinning chopper pilot.
McKay laughed to himself as he finished his shower. Goldman was such a puzzle...but he was so damn much fun. The deeper they got into this...*whatever* it was...the more fascinated he became.
When McKay stepped into the hootch, Goldman had just finished shaving and was drying his face. He was wearing only boxers and McKay took a moment to admire his ass, before he caught Goldman's eye in the mirror and grinned wickedly.
Goldman looked pissed. He turned to McKay, "Are you insane!? What the hell did you think you were doing out there?"
"Come on, that was no big deal. I was just havin' fun with ya," said McKay, dumping his stuff in his chair.
"Yeah, well what if somebody saw that?" Goldman leaned on the sink and folded his arms.
McKay chuckled, shaking his head as he walked over to Goldman, "Even if anybody was watchin' - which they weren't - they'd just figure I was really enjoying my shower." He stood very close and gave Goldman a smoldering look, "Which I was...until you left." He was gratified to see Goldman's cheeks go pink. If he'd had fun tormenting Goldman with cigar smoke and loud music, it was *nothing* compared to the thrill he got from teasing him sexually.
He reached out and grazed Goldman's chest with his fingertips as he picked up his dogtags and tossed them over his shoulder, earning him an indignant look from Goldman. McKay smirked, if only Goldman knew how hot he looked when he did that.
He bent forward and pressed his tongue to the base of Goldman's throat, licking and sucking his smooth, clean skin. He tasted so good.
Goldman stiffened up and started to push him away, looking around hastily. McKay pulled his hands away and went back to licking his neck, as he mumbled, "Don't worry, I dropped all the shades before I went to shower." He worked his way around Goldman's neck and up towards his ear, licking, nipping...inhaling the scent of soap and shaving cream.
Goldman's hands were on his shoulders again, resisting, "McKay..." he pleaded.
McKay stopped reluctantly, "What's the matter, Goldman?"
"We can't keep doing this. *I* can't keep doing this. I..."
"Are you sure about that? You sure seemed to like it." McKay grinned at him.
Goldman threw his hands up, "I don't even *know* what we're doing here. You sit around reading girlie magazines and smoking cigars, then drop the shades and screw me. I mean, what's going on in your head?"
McKay smirked, "Well, I'm usually thinking 'God he's hard' and 'How do I get my pants off with one hand?'"
Goldman shot him a withering look and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
McKay realized he was starting to push too far. "I'm sorry," he shrugged, "what can I say? I'm having fun. It's exciting...didn't you ever do anything with another boy when you were younger? Jerk off...grope each other...stuff like that?"
"No, of course not." Goldman looked horrified.
"It's not that uncommon, Goldman. Lots of guys have done stuff like that, at least once."
"Well, I never did."
McKay grinned, "Now, that doesn't surprise me." He stepped close to Goldman again and whispered seductively, "Now's your chance to try it." He would dearly love giving his friend an education.
He slipped his arm around Goldman's neck, leaning in to lick his ear with a very wet tongue, and said roughly, "I do this, Goldman, because you get me hot...see for yourself." He pulled Goldman's hand into his crotch and pressed it against his hard-on, sighing at the touch. Having Goldman's hand on him was far more erotic than he'd imagined it would be, even through the thin cloth of his boxers. Goldman jerked his arm, but McKay kept a tight grip on him. He moaned and thrust himself into Goldman's hand, holding it in place while grinding his hips.
Goldman nearly choked as McKay ground his cock into his hand. He should have been used to McKay's aggressive behavior by now...but this was more than he'd bargained for. He stood there half-stunned as McKay's hot tongue ravaged his neck and his ear, making it impossible to think.
Gradually, he started to pay attention to what his own hand was doing under McKay's guidance. It was, in fact, pressed against a very impressive erection. He took a deep, ragged breath. He had John McKay's dick in his hand - save one thin piece of material.
His own curiosity betrayed his better judgment, and he closed his fingers around it. It was hard...and warm. He swallowed nervously. Now...he was *feeling* John McKay's dick. Oh...shit. He felt hot and he was shaking like a leaf. McKay clamped a hand over his and moved them along it's length, rubbing slowly up and down. And...now he was stroking John McKay's dick.
"Oh...shit," McKay was breathing heavily and moaning. As Goldman listened to him, he felt himself get hard.
"God...yeah..." whispered McKay as he nipped Goldman's earlobe. He let go of Goldman's hand and hastily pulled down the waistband of his boxers, getting them out of the way. Goldman's mind raced. He knew what McKay wanted, but he wasn't sure. Being a passive recipient had been confusing enough...he didn't know if he could handle taking an active role.
He had little choice as McKay grabbed his hand again and brought it back to his naked cock. "Come on, Goldman...please..." McKay urged as he wrapped Goldman's hand around his cock, nudging it into motion. Goldman tried not to think at all as he began stroking him, timidly at first, and then stronger as he became a little more comfortable with it.
"That's it, Goldman," McKay whispered in his ear, "That's good...that's *so* good." He was thrusting into Goldman's hand, his breathing ragged and hot.
Goldman tightened his grip and quickened his pace, becoming bolder as McKay got more aroused. He stole a glance at McKay's face - his eyes were closed and he wore a look of extreme concentration, completely absorbed in his own pleasure.
Goldman took the opportunity to explore him with his senses in a way that he was afraid to with his hands. His wet hair had been combed back, but was now starting to fall across his forehead. He smelled clean and spicy from the shower, with a faint smell of sex mixed in as they played. His body was warm, and Goldman stroked him harder and faster, as he listened to McKay's moans and sighs. As much as he didn't want to admit it, this was turning him on. He realized he was rubbing his other hand over his own groin. He hadn't even noticed when he'd started doing it. Too aroused to be hampered by his usual self-consciousness, he dipped his hand into his shorts and started jerking off, as he continued stroking McKay.
McKay leaned his forehead on his friend's, "Oh, god, yes...harder...more..."
Goldman did his best to follow McKay's lead in his own current state of arousal, then McKay's hand tightened over his own. Goldman kept a firm grip, but relaxed his arm and let McKay set the pace he needed. Within seconds McKay was moaning and bucking, emptying himself into Goldman's palm. Watching McKay come nearly put Goldman over the edge, and he groaned as he pumped himself with his fist.
As McKay was catching his breath, he said, "Damn, Goldman...you are so hot." He slid his hands up Goldman's neck until he was cupping his friend's face, then he pressed his lips to Goldman's, kissing him long and hard.
Goldman had his eyes shut, and when he felt McKay's mouth on his, he gasped in surprise. McKay's kiss was hot and firm and Goldman found himself responding to it instinctively. He couldn't remember any kiss as erotic as this. He continued stroking himself as he opened his mouth for McKay.
When McKay's tongue slid over his, he came immediately, moaning loudly into McKay's mouth, jerking and trembling as McKay pulled him into a tight embrace.
McKay thrust his tongue deeper into Goldman's mouth, kissing and licking him as Goldman moaned helplessly. He wrapped one hand around the back of Goldman's neck to keep him there, afraid that if he were to let go, Goldman would break off the kiss, and he wasn't ready for that. Not until he'd tasted every inch of Goldman's mouth. This was unlike anything even he had experienced, and his need for it surprised him.
For several minutes they stayed, tongues entwined, nipping at each other, licking and sucking, sharing hot kisses until they were breathless and forced to stop. They broke apart and stood there panting, trying to regain themselves.
McKay finally looked at Goldman. His head was down, eyes closed. He had a desperate kind of tension on his face. McKay sighed...this internal struggle of Goldman's was beginning to wear on him. He wanted to grab him and shake him until he figured out what he wanted.
Sounds of camp life filtered in, and Goldman looked towards the door, wrapping his arms around himself. "We...ah...we better get going," he said quietly, "We're gonna to have to hurry."
McKay stared at him. He felt like he should say something, but what? Finally, he just said, "Right...duty calls," and touched Goldman on the arm before going to get dressed.
Wants and Needs - Part Four
Goldman splashed some water on his face and reached for a towel. He'd spent the whole evening doing paperwork and was trying to clear his mind. They were in the midst of a quiet spell and he was using the time to get caught up.
Focusing on the paperwork also got his mind off his sex life for a while. Of course, he wasn't supposed to *have* a sex life right now. That was the problem. And, he certainly wasn't supposed to be having one with his roommate.
That wasn't stopping him though. He was risking his career and his reputation, but he didn't seem to be able to resist. He knew damn well he should put a stop to it immediately. So, he was curious to know what it was about himself that made him keep doing it. He wasn't attracted to any other men, and, as far as he knew he was still attracted to women. But he couldn't deny his attraction to McKay any longer...they'd gone too far for that. That didn't make it right, though. It didn't make it any easier to understand either.
All of this was running through his mind when McKay returned from dinner, full of good spirits and sporting his usual cocky grin. Goldman watched him in the mirror, trying to figure it all out. McKay came up behind him and ran a hand over his ass. Goldman sidestepped him and walked over to his desk, "Have a nice evening?"
"Not too bad," said McKay, following, "Could get better..." He stood behind Goldman and started kissing his neck.
Goldman sighed and stammered, "You know...I have a lot of work to do here."
"You work way too hard sometimes, my friend." McKay spun him around and pulled him into a hot kiss.
Goldman let himself enjoy it for just a moment before pushing him away, "McKay, really...this isn't a good id-"
"Jesus! Goldman..." McKay stepped back, he looked pissed, "do we have to play this game *every* time? You and I both know you want it." He stood with his hands on his hips, eyeing Goldman.
"No, I don't know that...I know I like it, but...I shouldn't." Goldman lowered his gaze, "Look, I'm sorry...I don't really know *what* I want." He made a helpless gesture.
"Fine." McKay crossed his arms over his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. "You know what...that's just...fine. I'm goin' to get a beer, you let me know if you ever figure it out." And he turned and stormed out of the hootch.
Goldman sighed and leaned on his desk. He hadn't meant to piss off McKay...he just needed to figure things out. He started pacing the floor in frustration. He thought he would feel relieved if he got McKay to back off. It was, after all, the only smart thing to do. But the truth was...he was disappointed. All he could think about was McKay's touch, and the things they'd done...how good it was. When he spotted the whiskey on McKay's dresser, he went over and took a long swig straight from the bottle.
He sat on his bunk remembering how he'd felt when McKay started coming on to him. Nervous, yes...but curious, too. It had been exciting - McKay knew what he wanted and he was intent on getting it (and pretty damn good at giving it). He didn't really blame McKay for leaving. Who wants to keep going after someone who just pushes you away.
Goldman thought long and hard about it all...what they'd done...how he felt...what he was risking...not to mention what he'd be missing. What he kept coming back to was the feeling of being wanted. He knew he liked that. Why did McKay keep coming back in the first place?
He still didn't have all the answers, but he didn't want to leave things as they were. He wasn't ready for it to be over, even if he wasn't entirely sure he could handle it. An idea suddenly came to him. He took another gulp of whiskey for good measure, then got up and went to find McKay.
McKay sat at the corner of the bar in the Team House nursing a beer and listening to drunken GI's tell each other bullshit stories. The place was loud tonight, with so many guys in camp, the sharp clatter of balls on the pool table, and the jukebox blaring away through it all. The air hung thick with cigarette smoke and the smell of stale beer and sweat. An explosion of laughter erupted from a table somewhere behind him.
He emptied his bottle and ordered another. Damn it all anyway. He'd really been looking forward to tonight. He realized he was stupid to think that Goldman would ignore a whole lifetime of military attitudes just because some dumb pilot had the hots for him. But he'd been so damn close... He looked absently around the room, watched some guys argue over a dart game. Then the flare of a lighter caught his eye, and he noticed a lone figure sitting at a table across from him.
It was Goldman...and he was staring right at McKay. His pulse quickened when he saw the hungry look on Goldman's face. McKay actually turned around to see what else Goldman might be looking at, but he didn't see anything. When he turned back, Goldman was grinning at him. Oh...Yeahh. Tonight might turn out OK after all. McKay noticed there were two beer bottles on the table, one pushed back against the wall, obviously empty. Shit...how long had he been sitting there?
As he watched, Goldman took a long deep drag off his cigarette, closing his eyes and giving every indication of enjoying it...a lot. McKay licked his lips, nobody held a cigarette sexier than Goldman. Goldman blew the smoke out slowly and locked eyes with McKay, cocking his head.
OK, McKay thought, two can play this game. He picked up his beer and opened his mouth to drink, but paused a moment, furtively licking an imaginary drop off the lip of the bottle, before taking swig. Then he wiped his lips with his fingertips.
Goldman was grinning again. He took another drag off the cigarette and let his other hand drop to his lap, slowly and carefully smoothing a few wrinkles from his pants leg, before his hand came to rest on his extreme upper thigh.
McKay was loving this. He stretched his neck, letting his head roll back and around, arching his back a little, reaching up to rub the kinks out. Just a lonely soldier at the end of another hard day at war. After a few minutes, he leveled his gaze on Goldman.
Goldman smiled and mimicked McKay's entire beer drinking performance, including the imaginary droplet. Then he tipped his head back and drained the bottle. He set it on the table and leaned back in his chair, watching McKay.
McKay toyed with his beer bottle, rolling it between his hands...running his fingers up the side of it, and around the top...exchanging heated looks with Goldman the whole time.
Goldman smirked, crushing out his cigarette stub. Then he got up and walked toward McKay, in no big hurry. He went right past him and walked out the door.
McKay's hard-on told him *that* was an invitation if ever he saw one. He polished off his beer and went after him.
Goldman damn near ran all the way back to the hootch. He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. His head was swimming a little from the whiskey and the beer. Just as well, he could use all the help he could get. He could hardly believe he just sat in a bar crowded with soldiers and seduced another man. It was a hell of a turn on, and had gone to his head faster than the alcohol. He hoped he could go through with it, his tendency to freeze up would not serve him well this time.
He heard McKay before he saw him and turned toward the door as he stepped in. McKay wore a shit-eating grin as he crossed the room and said, "I hope that scene in the bar was what I think it was..."
Goldman just grabbed him and pulled him into a deep kiss, as he backed him against the wall. He held him there with his hips, and slipped his hands up under McKay's T-shirt, savoring the feel of his smooth muscles, before pulling the shirt roughly over McKay's head. He found McKay's mouth again, licking, nipping, sliding his tongue over McKay's. Everything he'd been holding back, he poured into that kiss.
McKay had one arm wrapped around his waist and the other was clutching at the back of his head and rubbing his neck. McKay finally broke the kiss, chuckling as he moved to unbutton Goldman's shirt, "What the hell's gotten into you?"
"A stiff shot of whiskey and a couple beers, for starters." He let McKay push his shirt off and leaned in to lick his neck. McKay was hot and a little sweaty, his breathing ragged. "...And you were right...I do want you.". Goldman gave in to that want and began canvassing McKay's body with his hands and mouth, then pressed against him, skin to skin, breathing deep. McKay pulled him in tight, he liked that. He moaned as McKay licked his ear, and rubbed against his erection.
Goldman stepped back and reached between them, tearing ungracefully at their pants buttons, until he had them both exposed. Then he pulled McKay's wrists over his head and pinned them to the wall. He wanted to be in charge this time, he wanted to show McKay.
He arched his hips forward until they were just barely touching, soft caresses he watched until he couldn't wait anymore and pressed his entire body into McKay's. "Oh, god..." he whispered, taking McKay's mouth in another long, deep kiss that McKay returned with equal passion. He rubbed and thrust against McKay, barely able to control himself, and not really caring whether he did or not.
It had only been a few minutes when Goldman's climax took him by surprise, washing over him before he even knew it was happening.
"OH...*dammit*..." he groaned as he bucked involuntarily against McKay, coming hard, but fast.
He couldn't believe himself, he just leaned on McKay for a minute, hiding his face. "Well," he said sheepishly, "I guess that clears up any mystery about what I want..."
McKay grinned, "Can't be helped, Goldman...I'm just that good."
McKay kissed Goldman and looked at him. His eyes were darker than usual and his face was flushed. He was so damn gorgeous.
The ache in McKay's groin was demanding attention and he pushed his hips against Goldman, hoping that would encourage him to finish the job. But, to his dismay, Goldman was pulling away. " *Goldman*...you can't stop now," he gasped. Goldman only grinned at him.
McKay stood there, stunned, as Goldman sank to his knees, trailing his hands along McKay's sides as he did so. McKay's pulse quickened and he felt a jolt of excitement as be began to guess Goldman's intentions.
His breath caught in his throat as he watched Goldman wet his lips and swallow nervously, hesitating just a second before he stuck his tongue out to lick his own cum off McKay's stomach with long, slow strokes.
McKay stared for several seconds, before letting out a ragged breath, "Oh...my god..."
Goldman looked up at him through his eyelashes stopping just long enough to grin and ask, "What kind of an 'Oh my god' was that?" before continuing with his tongue bath.
*Damn* Seductive Goldman he definitely liked.
Goldman continued licking and sucking him, running his tongue all over, while he tugged down McKay's pants to caress his legs. He slipped his hands around to squeeze McKay's ass, and ran them up over his chest. Almost no part of him remained untouched. *Almost*
McKay didn't know if Goldman was nervous or teasing, but he was sure his cock had never been this hard, and he wanted Goldman's touch so badly. He was nearly panting. "Come on, Goldman," he groaned, "I'm dyin' here."
He felt Goldman's hand sliding up his thigh and moaned when it closed lightly over his burning cock. It felt cool as Goldman caressed him softly. Too softly... It was driving him insane. His legs were shaking, and he closed his eyes and pressed his head back against the wall, trying to steady himself.
When he opened them and looked down, he met Goldman's eyes looking back at him with interest. He reached out and ran his hand through Goldman's hair, "Goldman, do you have any idea what you're doin' to me?"
Goldman just smiled and held McKay's gaze as he ran his tongue over the head of McKay's cock and down it's length, turning his head when he had to, but never losing eye contact with McKay.
McKay shuddered and whimpered as Goldman set his groin on fire. For a guy who had shot off in record time, he was sure taking it slow now. McKay was aching to feel Goldman going down on him, and was on the point of begging, when Goldman finally lowered his mouth down on McKay's cock, taking as much of it in as he could.
"AH...God..." McKay moaned, running his hands over Goldman's head and shoulders.
Goldman's mouth was hot and wet, and it felt *so* good as he sucked and licked, darting his tongue everywhere he could reach. What Goldman lacked in technical skill, he more than made up for in enthusiasm.
McKay laced his fingers loosely around the back of Goldman's neck, arching his hips just slightly each time Goldman's mouth slid back down his cock. He moaned and rolled his head, giving himself up to the sensations...to the heat that spread through his whole body. He'd fantasized about this so many times, but the reality far outweighed anything he'd dreamed up. Not only because it was real, but because Goldman was doing it on his own initiative. He hadn't even had to ask.
He looked down at Goldman and watched, mesmerized, as his friend went down on him, stopping every now and then to wet his lips or devote a moment to licking the whole length of McKay's cock. Goldman's eyes were closed and he was making little moans and sighs that McKay could feel as much as he could hear.
He was also stroking himself.
When McKay saw that, he damn near lost it right then and there. The image of Goldman giving head was hot enough, but the idea that it was turning him on, was almost more than McKay could bear. He longed for Goldman to want this as much as he did.
McKay was rubbing Goldman's neck, moaning and gasping, when he felt that beloved familiar tightening deep in his groin. "Ohh...yeahhh..." he groaned, relishing the build-up, but needing the release. Then he remembered his situation...Goldman may be liking it, but he was still new to this. "Goldman, oh god, you're gonna make me come, buddy..." He started to push on Goldman's shoulders, intending to pull out and finish.
"Then *let* me," gasped Goldman, before lowering his mouth on McKay again, swirling his tongue, sucking...licking and fondling.
McKay bit down on his fist and cried out as he came, pulling both hands away from Goldman to prevent himself from pulling his head down harder. He couldn't stop his hips from bucking though, and winced when Goldman gagged a couple of times.
When it was done, he looked down at Goldman and smiled. Goldman had tried to swallow it all, but had not been entirely successful. McKay dropped to his knees and pulled Goldman into a passionate kiss, licking and nipping, until Goldman pushed him away, gasping for air, "I take it you liked that..."
"Hell yes, Goldman," he smiled. "You could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. I didn't know you had it in ya."
"Well, don't take this as an insult, but...being a little drunk helped."
McKay laughed and kissed him, "Then I'm gonna make sure you get drunk more often."
He stood up, pulling Goldman with him, and tugged his pants back on. He lead Goldman over to his bunk and sat him down, pushing him onto his back. Then he leaned over and kissed him, starting with his lips and working his way down Goldman's neck and onto his chest.
Goldman moaned softly, tangling his fingers in McKay's hair, "What are you doing, McKay?"
McKay grinned and looked up, "I'm gonna return the favor...Figured you might like a chance to enjoy it this time..." He smirked at Goldman.
"Shut up, asshole," said Goldman wryly, pushing McKay's head back down.
McKay chuckled and resumed his path down Goldman's body, kissing and licking, enjoying Goldman's sighs and moans. He loved the feel of Goldman's hands on him, running through his hair, caressing his face and arms, tensing slightly as McKay began licking his cock.
McKay knelt on the floor and pulled Goldman forward slightly into a comfortable position. It took him only a few minutes with his mouth and hands before he had Goldman panting and writhing on the bed, moaning things under his breath. Goldman brought his legs close around McKay, pressing into him, holding him there. Another few minutes and McKay brought him off, sucking him until his body stopped heaving and he sighed a few deep breaths.
"God, McKay, is there anything you don't do well?" Goldman asked sleepily.
"Hell, no," grinned McKay. He pulled off Goldman's boots and pants for him, and arranged his boxers.
As Goldman crawled all the way onto his bunk, McKay stripped down to his shorts and lay down with him, kissing and caressing him, savoring the feel of his warm skin.
Goldman wrapped his arms around him and held him tight as they kissed, but said, " *Now* what are you doing? You know we can't sleep together."
"I know. Just give me a few minutes. I may never get you in such a receptive mood again." He slid his hand around Goldman's neck and kissed him firmly, exploring with his tongue. "Besides," he said, moving down to lick Goldman's neck, "I wanna know what brought about this change of heart."
"I just figured that it was gonna happen whether I wanted it to or not, so I should learn to like it."
McKay was shocked, he sat up on his elbow and studied Goldman's face intently, "My god, Goldman, you don't think...I mean, I'm not against a little friendly coercion, but I never would have forced you. Don't you *know* that?"
Goldman gave him an apologetic look and pulled him back down, "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that I couldn't fight myself any more than I could resist you."
McKay breathed a sigh of relief, "Well, I gotta say...I'm sure glad you quit tryin'"
Wants and Needs - Part Five
Goldman absentmindedly turned the page of his book, fully aware that he hadn't actually read anything on the previous one. He rolled onto his back. McKay was still sitting in his chair, staring at the floor like he'd been when Goldman came in. They hadn't said anything to each other. That was just as well, since nothing they had said in the last two days was very pleasant.
Nothing *at all* about the past two days had been pleasant. The friendly fire incident had started it all - at least all the tension between him and McKay. Then there had been Bell's death - another pointless waste. Finally, the attack on the camp and the loss of even more good men. The only good thing was that McKay had managed to finally bring down the sniper. That wasn't helping much, though. No one had expected the sniper to be a woman - although, there wasn't any reason not to, plenty of VC soldiers were women. Goldman figured they'd all killed some without ever knowing.
He looked at McKay and sighed, turning back to his book. Goldman felt like hell. He knew McKay was hurting and that he should do something about it...knew McKay wanted him to...but, he just wasn't good at that. Being close, opening up. Not too much good ever happened when he did.
McKay jumped up and went to his fridge, yanking the door open. He pulled out a beer and popped the top off, then turned and leaned against the fridge, taking several long gulps from the bottle.
Goldman had been watching around the edge of his book, not wanting to get caught. Now he buried his nose back in the book. He couldn't bear to see McKay's eyes right now. McKay's eyes were never soft or gentle - even when he was happy. They were always intense...sparkling or fiery or twinkling...
Right now they were piercing. Goldman could feel them right through the book. He knew McKay was looking at him...and he didn't want to see that look. He realized he'd hurt McKay too...some of the things he'd said.
McKay finished the beer and threw the bottle in the garbage. He stood there, arms crossed, hanging his head.
Goldman put the book down and finished his cigarette, searching for something to say. He didn't have anything. He sighed. He had to do something.
He stood up and walked over to McKay, hesitantly putting a hand on his shoulder. McKay didn't respond...maybe it was too late. Goldman felt drawn to him anyway. He reached out with his other hand and ran his fingers down the side of McKay's face, touched his hair. He didn't really know what to do.
Finally, he just put his arms around McKay and held him, leaning his head against McKay's, and said quietly, "I'm sorry."
McKay slowly unfolded his arms and slipped them around Goldman's waist, clinging to him as he laid his head on Goldman's shoulder.
Goldman held him tightly, petting his head and rubbing his back. If he couldn't open up, at least he could provide physical comfort.
After awhile, McKay spoke, "Last night...last night when you were getting attacked. I just sat there...in the weeds. I knew what was happening and I...I couldn't *do* anything. I just watched it happen, and I couldn't do anything."
"That's right, McKay," Goldman said, stroking his head. "You *couldn't* do anything. If you had tried, you would be dead now... You did the right thing."
McKay sighed and leaned on Goldman. He knew it was the arms of his friend around him...but it was the voice of the L-T talking to him. Very commanding, very technically reassuring. Did the right thing.
He appreciated the effort, but it wasn't what he really needed. He needed something else, something different. Hell, what he *really* needed was something to make him forget about it all...at least for a while.
As he thought about this, he picked up his head and nuzzled Goldman's ear, kissed his jaw lightly, trying to gauge where he stood with Goldman these days.
Goldman pulled him in tighter, kissing his cheek softly. McKay savored every bit of affection he got from Goldman, because it was so hard won. But...he knew it was genuine.
He turned his head and kissed Goldman on the lips, moving slowly, trying to focus his mind only on the sensations his body felt. He deepened the kiss and untangled himself so that he could hook his arm around Goldman's neck, pinning him there as he raided his mouth. Affection quickly escalated to passion as they both sought a way to connect with each other...and a chance to escape the death and destruction of war.
McKay latched onto Goldman with stress-induced roughness, not taking much care to be nice any longer. He kissed, licked, bit and stroked every part of Goldman he could reach. Not always the easiest task, as Goldman was all over him and never stayed still for a moment. They peeled each other's shirts off and renewed their efforts with a broader scope.
Eventually, McKay broke away, panting, and locked eyes with Goldman. "I need this," he said, then pushed past Goldman, crossed over to the door, and locked it. Just a couple of hook and eye latches he'd rigged up recently, but they kept anybody from walking in at the wrong moment.
He started unbuttoning his pants as he turned back to Goldman, "I want you naked." He sat down on his footstool, quickly pulled his boots off and kicked out of his pants and socks, yanking at his clothes until he was completely bare.
Goldman was bent over, untying his boots, and McKay pulled him into a forceful kiss, knocking him to his knees. They were both breathing heavily, clutching at each other. Goldman scrambled up on top of him, pushing him backward onto the chair. McKay groaned as Goldman thrust his tongue into his mouth, kissing him deep and hard, forcing him down and fondling his cock with long firm strokes. Finally, McKay pushed him away, "Get your clothes off..." he gasped.
As Goldman got undressed, McKay lay down on his bunk, waiting impatiently. When Goldman came near, McKay pulled him down on top of himself, and grabbed him by the hair kissing and tonguing him, nipping hard. Goldman yelped and bit back, grinding his hips into McKay. They were tangled together and McKay relished the complete skin to skin contact.
He was panting as he licked and nibbled at the soft skin of Goldman's throat, working his way around his neck until his lips were at Goldman's ear. He whispered roughly, "I need you to fuck me."
Goldman pulled his head back in mild surprise, knocking McKay's hand out of his hair. He looked at McKay, who was staring back at him with those intense eyes, his mouth open, breathing hard. He had an almost feral look about him.
"Are you sure?" Goldman's mind was racing. They hadn't crossed that line yet...he wasn't even sure he knew how. And...he wasn't entirely sure McKay knew what he was doing. It was unlikely he was drunk, but he still seemed out of control somehow, and Goldman wasn't sure he was thinking straight. Even as he weighed all this, his cock ached with anticipation and he felt his blood run hot.
"Yeah...I'm sure." McKay slipped his legs out and wrapped them around Goldman's hips, pulling him close.
"Have you ever done this before?"
McKay shook his head slowly, his eyes were dark and his voice low, "I want *you* to do it...now. I need this, Goldman, don't say no."
Goldman had no intention of denying his friend. In a way, he felt he owed him, a trade-off for the emotional support he couldn't give. Still, he was concerned. He wasn't used to McKay like this, and it made him nervous.
McKay was starting to force Goldman into position on his knees and elbows. Goldman was breathing hard and ragged, and staring at McKay as he moved where he was directed.
"Don't we need something to make it...easier...some oil or something?" he asked timidly.
"Use spit," was McKay's blunt reply.
Goldman blinked at him, wide eyed, but spit in his hand and ran it over his cock, all the while making a mental inventory of his shaving kit, thinking they must have something better.
McKay was watching restlessly, and slid a hand around Goldman's waist as he soaked his fingers with spit and reached down to wet McKay with a shaking hand. He was just starting to stroke McKay's opening, causing him to arch and moan, when he felt McKay's hands on his hips, urging him closer, "Come on, Goldman..." his voice getting edgy, "I need you now."
Goldman frowned, "Don't you want-"
Goldman swallowed nervously and hesitated a moment before he placed the head of his cock against McKay. He started pushing in slowly, as he brought his hand up to touch McKay's face, watching him intently.
Suddenly, McKay grabbed him and pulled him close, forcing him inside in one quick motion. McKay cried out, but Goldman could see at once that it was a cry of pain, and not one of pleasure. "McKay!...What the hell are you doing?"
"I need this, Goldman," he ground out.
"But if it's hurting you..."
"Let it...I want it to..." shifting his hips and slamming onto Goldman again, "It'll keep me from thinkin'"
"No! McKay..." He tried to pull away, but McKay's grip was like a vise, and Goldman was afraid if he struggled, he'd only hurt McKay worse. He tried to reason with him, "McKay, please...I don't wanna do it like this. I don't wanna hurt you." He paused and looked at McKay meaningfully, "I won't be *able* to..."
Goldman wasn't sure that was the truth, though. McKay was tight around his cock, and the heat flooded through him. Each time McKay slid over him, he felt a hot flash that made his head spin. He hated himself for liking it right now. He didn't want to like it...not like this.
McKay forced him in again, gritting his teeth and wincing...sucking in air. Goldman was getting frantic, "McKay, stop it! Let me up *now*." He tried to pull McKay's arms away from him.
McKay finally looked at him, and his expression softened a little. His voice was shaking, "No don't...don't go...please. I want this... We...we can take it slow...please stay."
Goldman stayed very still, trying to ignore his throbbing cock, as he searched McKay's face. "Why...Why would you..." He was stunned, and not sure what to say.
"I'm sorry," said McKay, "I just wanna forget...everything. Everything about this damn place and all the shit that's happened."
Goldman kissed him gently, "I know...I know. I'd like to do that without hurting you, though."
McKay nodded, his breath coming in short gasps. His hands were clutching at Goldman's sides, and he tossed his head around a little, squeezing his eyes shut.
Goldman smoothed a hand over his hair, "Just...hold still for a few minutes...relax." He continued petting him and planting light kisses over him, until the tension drained away from McKay's face.
Then he began moving very slowly, with short strokes, keeping a watchful eye on McKay. Goldman's whole body was trembling from the intensity of the sensations. McKay was so tight and so smooth and so soft. The heat spread though him, clouding his mind, causing his face to flush. He could feel McKay moving under him, feel the sweat on his skin. He bent and kissed him, his lips slowly keeping pace with their bodies.
McKay moaned and gripped Goldman's shoulders, his fingers digging into the skin, leaving white marks. He broke the kiss, panting, "More, Goldman... please...please" his voice faded to a whisper as he arched his back and bucked his hips. Goldman complied instinctively, thrusting deeper and harder, taking his cues from McKay.
He looked down at his friend, as he moved inside him, and felt a strong sense of possessiveness come over him. McKay was his, no one else had ever done this to him. He drove even deeper into him...listened to his groaning and panting...watched the sweat trickle down the side of his face.
"McKay..." he said, waiting for his eyes to open and look up, "I want this to be good for you. Are you all right?"
McKay regarded him for a moment, unsure of what he saw in the man's eyes, and unable to trust his own assessment of it under the circumstances. It would be easy to make too much of things in the heat of passion. He could barely think as it was. The heat and pain of Goldman's cock filling him drove nearly every other thought from his mind. It still hurt a little, but it felt so good...so *damn* good. His heart was pounding and his body was on fire.
He reached up and touched Goldman's face, running his fingers through his hair, before pulling him down for a kiss, "It's good, Goldman...It's very good." And he pressed his lips to Goldman's.
The experience was overwhelming, and he simply gave himself up to it, clinging to Goldman as Goldman took him. He closed his eyes and drew his legs up a little to give Goldman deeper access. As Goldman moaned and thrust into him, increasing the pace, McKay reached over his head and held onto the bed frame for support. Goldman was breathing heavily and making all kinds of noises as he pressed into him over and over.
McKay felt Goldman tense up and heard the note of urgency in his voice. He opened his eyes so he could watch Goldman's face as he came. To his surprise, Goldman kept his eyes open and gazed back at him as he moaned and emptied himself deep inside McKay with a few sharp thrusts. He wore a strange look of triumph, and McKay kept looking at him as he reached down to stroke his own cock.
Goldman raised himself up a little and brushed McKay's hand out of the way, wrapping his own fingers around it. McKay's breath caught in his throat as he felt the tight grip of his friend's warm hand. Goldman began stroking him, his gaze never wavering.
McKay stared back at him, panting and moaning. Goldman continued thrusting into him and working his cock. His eyes grew very dark, "Come for me, McKay," he said in a thick voice.
McKay groaned. Suddenly, he'd never wanted to come so bad in his whole life. He looked up at Goldman, "Make me." Goldman increased his pace, and McKay lost track of everything but the overpowering sensations running through his body.
He moaned and writhed, and within seconds he was staring into Goldman's eyes and coming as hard as he ever had, crying out and grasping at Goldman.
Finally, he dropped his head on the pillow, spent and exhausted. He felt Goldman gently slip out of him, and bend down to kiss him hard and long. He sighed into the kiss and opened his mouth for Goldman. Goldman's tongue felt cool and he tasted faintly like tobacco and smoke.
Then he felt Goldman pull away, and a towel cleaning him off. It felt good to have Goldman taking care of him...worrying about him the way he had. McKay wished it could be like that more often. Finally, Goldman settled down by his side. He turned toward the heat of Goldman's body and smiled when Goldman's arms slipped around him. McKay drifted off to sleep with Goldman stroking his hair.
Wants and Needs - Part Six
"You are such a pushover," said McKay, shaking his head and turning back to the letter he was writing. He didn't know why Goldman felt he had to feed him that bullshit story. He could make a few guesses about what really happened, and he knew Goldman usually did the right thing. He'd been worried about Goldman lately, but it was a relief to see him starting to lighten up again.
He put down his letter and looked over at Goldman somewhat wistfully. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, thinking about what they had going on between them. He thought he could keep his head out of it...just have fun. He was wrong. McKay chided himself for being so stupid. He'd gone too far. He'd fallen in love with Goldman. But, Goldman was never gonna love him back...not the way he wanted him to. He would get an occasional show of affection, but then Goldman retreated into himself again. Besides, he knew that Goldman had too much on the line to take a chance like that.
McKay was satisfied to take what he could get. He went over and climbed on Goldman's bunk, swinging his leg over and sitting on Goldman's hips. Goldman rolled onto his back and smiled at McKay, dropping a hand onto his thigh. McKay grinned slyly when he caught the look in Goldman's eye. He reached down and unbuttoned each button of Goldman's shirt slowly and teasingly.
Goldman took over and swept open his shirt, stroking his chest lightly, slowly, gazing up at McKay. McKay smiled appreciatively, and felt himself starting to get hard as Goldman's hands inched toward his own groin. Goldman ran a hand over the front of his pants, groping himself lewdly, and looking to McKay for a reaction. He slipped his thumb under the waistband, dragging it back and forth...teasing. Then he trailed his fingers over the buttons, touching them, plucking at them lightly.
Finally McKay said, "You havin' some trouble with that?"
"Why? You offering to help me with it?"
"Goldman," he said, leaning forward to look Goldman right in the eye, "I'll help you with anything you got." Then he knelt down, straddling Goldman's thighs, and began to unbutton his pants. He took his time, caressing Goldman's legs and stomach, bending to lick or suck his warm skin. He undid the last button and pulled the fatigues out of the way, admiring Goldman's rigid cock. He wrapped his hand around it, and Goldman moaned softly as he started stroking him.
McKay watched Goldman's face as he touched him. He looked relaxed and pleased...and so damn beautiful.
After a while, Goldman reached down and tugged on McKay's T-shirt, "Come here, I want to feel your cock against me."
McKay moaned and sat back on his heels, pulling off his shirt and unbuttoning his pants. He sighed as Goldman's hand snaked inside and curled around his hard-on. McKay shoved his pants to his thighs and lay down with Goldman's hand still between them, stroking and squeezing him.
He smiled at Goldman, than paused, "That's a heck of a shiner you got there," he said, gently kissing the bruise under Goldman's eye.
"Yeah, well...I never saw it coming," Goldman said, waving him away and kissing him on the lips instead.
McKay sighed as Goldman put his arm around him, deepening the kiss and forcing his tongue inside McKay's mouth. They kissed hungrily, clutching at each other and breathing hard. Goldman pulled his hand out from between them, slipping it around McKay's waist as he arched his hips. McKay gasped as their cocks pressed together, and began moving along with Goldman. He kissed Goldman again and whispered, "You are so hot when you *want* it like this."
Goldman smiled, panting, "It's been a few days. You know, the other night...when I was sittin' in that bar with Anderson...well, he's a nice guy and all, but...all I could think about was how much I wished it was you across the table from me...gettin' drunk and all night ahead of us."
"Yeah?..." McKay allowed himself a moment of fantasy, reading far more into Goldman's admission than he knew was there. Still, it was enough to be wanted.
He dipped his head and licked Goldman's ear, running his tongue all around it as he ground his cock against Goldman's. Goldman moaned and writhed beneath him, grabbing McKay tighter and pulling him down hard, bucking against him. McKay matched him thrust for thrust. Before long, both men were panting and groaning, necking heavily, rubbing and grinding against each other.
McKay slid his tongue along Goldman's kissing him deeply and caressing him, stroking his hair. Goldman started whimpering slightly at the back of his throat, and McKay felt him tensing up. McKay broke the kiss and watched as Goldman threw his head back, moaning and panting, bucking hard.
"Oh...*yeah*...McKay," he gasped as he came, holding McKay tightly.
McKay moaned as his own pleasure took on a new urgency. He braced his knee on the bed and quickened his pace, shoving himself against Goldman's slick body. He pressed his forehead to Goldman's cheek, leaning on him, and cried out as his climax washed over him, leaving him helpless for a moment. Finally, he relaxed on top of Goldman. He could feel Goldman's arms close around him and lost himself in the embrace as his body started to calm down. "God, I love you..." he sighed, not thinking. The second the words left his mouth, he froze, realizing what he'd done.
"What did you say?"
"Ah..." McKay's blood turned to ice water.
"Is that true?" Goldman's hands were on his shoulders, pushing gently, trying to make him look up.
McKay took a deep, ragged breath, "Yeah..." He picked his head up to look at Goldman, "Yeah, it's true. I...I wasn't going to say anything..."
Goldman was stunned. Love? He'd never really thought about it that way. He certainly felt *something* for McKay, something more than friendship, but his attraction to him had always been very visceral. He didn't think about love much at all any more.
"I'm sorry, Goldman...I didn't mean for this to happen."
Goldman felt truly at a loss, "H-How long have you known?"
McKay sighed. "Well...it kinda started to sink in during the past couple of weeks, but...I think it's been longer than that," he said quietly, avoiding Goldman's gaze. "I figure I probably had a crush on you a long time ago, and didn't realize it."
Goldman watched him as he talked, and it dawned on him, for the first time, just how vulnerable McKay could be.
"Look, you don't have to say anything, Goldman...I know you don't love me... That's why I wasn't gonna tell you." McKay got up on his knees and cleaned up, fastened his pants, and started to get off the bunk.
Goldman sat up, buttoning his pants quickly and grabbing McKay's arm before he could go. "McKay...I do care about you, ya know..."
"I know you do...I didn't mean..." McKay looked at him then, and sat down, "I just...I realize you weren't ever lookin' for this."
Not for the first time since McKay had moved into the hootch, Goldman wondered how he'd gotten into this mess. How could McKay have fallen in love with him? - McKay was the one who convinced him it was all fun and games. Goldman stared back at him, humbled by what he saw in McKay's eyes. Longing...understanding...and love...
"I don't know what to say, McKay..."
McKay looked at him, searching, for a moment, then said, "Will you let me be in love with you?" He leaned closer to Goldman, reaching out to caress his neck.
"McKay...I don't think I can give you what you want. I don't really wanna see you get hurt."
McKay broke out in his characteristic shit-eating grin, "Hell, Goldman, I'm already hip-deep in it anyway." Then his expression turned earnest, "I'm not askin' you to pretend anything. Just..." he leaned forward and kissed Goldman, stroking the side of his face with his thumb, while he ran his other hand through Goldman's hair, cradling his head in his hands. The kiss was long and slow and sweet, and Goldman wished to hell he deserved it.
Never the less, he allowed McKay to push him back onto the bed, kissing and petting him. McKay settled down next to him and Goldman wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.
Goldman sighed as McKay slipped his tongue in his mouth, and thrust his own forward to tease and play with McKay. McKay was caressing his chest and neck, and curled one leg around him. Eventually, McKay broke the kiss. He ran one hand across Goldman's chest and up his throat, until it was covering Goldman's mouth. Then he looked Goldman in the eye, smiled and said, "I love you...I really do. *Damn*, it feels good to be able to say that."
Goldman stared helplessly at McKay, wanting so much to be able to return the sentiment, but firmly believing it was no longer in him to be able to do so. He pulled McKay's hand away and kissed him again, deep and hard, trying to prove that despite his shortcoming, it all meant something to him.
McKay moaned and embraced Goldman, stroking him and returning his kisses with equal passion. They lay there tightly entwined and necking for quite some time.
Goldman dimly realized that it had gotten dark, and pulled away from McKay to look around and listen, checking the state of their world. McKay propped himself on one elbow and listened too. Everything seemed normal. Then Goldman's stomach growled loudly.
He grinned at McKay, "I skipped lunch. What time is it? Is it too late to get dinner in the mess hall?"
"Hey, let's drive into town," said McKay, jumping up and pulling Goldman with him. "Come on, I'll buy you dinner." He straightened out Goldman's shirt and started buttoning it up.
"Wait a minute..." Goldman said, shooing McKay away and finishing the buttons, "that sounds like a date. Is this a date? Are you asking me out?"
McKay pulled his T-shirt over his head, "Yeah. Yes, I am. Why? Are you gonna freak out if we call this a date?"
"No...no. It's just that if I knew you were gonna buy me dinner, I never would've put out first."
McKay laughed and rolled his eyes at him. Goldman smiled. He liked this a lot, the easy banter and the kidding around they had. It was strange how things had changed though, he didn't really know what to make of it.
McKay came up and kissed him, "What are you thinkin'?"
"I was just assessing my situation...Let me see if I've got it right - you're in love with me, and now we're dating..."
"That's right, Honey Pie," said McKay grinning.
"Oh, don't start *that* shit..."
McKay grabbed him by the waist and pulled him into a classic lover's dip, slipping an arm under his neck, and gazing down at him, "But, Darling, I can't help myself. Whenever I get near you, I fall under the spell of your beautiful dark eyes and-"
"Oh...brother..." groaned Goldman, blushing. He struggled to get free and knocked them both off balance, sending them crashing to the floor.
As they lay there, laughing, McKay looked wistfully at Goldman, "Do you think there's a chance you'll ever love me back?"
Goldman was struck again, at the glimpse of McKay's more fragile side. He reached out and touched McKay's face, "I'm not really sure...to be honest. But, you have managed to talk me into everything else."